The ocean of the invisible

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Waves growing enormously
letting the buoy dance against its will
but look further ahead, because the moment of silence
is
where the storm refills

From the distance, or from the field of the eye
it could look like a big pool of emptiness, just crushing waves
where a life could easily die

underneath there is a whole world
one that seems so quiet and so calm
you would not even wonder

But that, is the eye of the storm.

I forgot how it was

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Shifting sands, there I was, on the beach.
Standing alone, straight up in the wind.
The big endless sea, threatening these waves in my direction
But I won’t
step aside.

As the sun used to rise
And as the moon used to be around here
As the dark is becoming day
And the light dissapear

It’s the perfect place to be
I just forgot how
it feels.

 

When the storm starts

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The windows are closed

behind them, I sit and listen.

The stories that blow through my head, through my ears,

there is nothing left do to but sit and see and hear,

Like the sea, like waves that come and dissapear

Sometimes rain interrrupts this dream

and drops make their own song in this melody

Darkness settles in, I’ve switch off all the lights

leave on a candle, that dances shadows on the wall

the storm is here,

The storm is here.

The duck and the rain

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Quack.

Hi Duck, whatcha doing?

Quack. *Duck is looking at me*

The rain is pouring down, and duck is swimming in the pond. No other living creature to be seen around. The sky is dark grey, the trees are dancing in the storm. Here we are, duck and me, just the two of us.

Quack. Quack.

Hey Duck, what’s up? You would like some food perhaps? I’m sorry duck, I don’t think I have anything. Checking my backpack. Wait, here I have some crackers. You might like them, duck. So I take them out and give some small pieces to duck. Duck eats. Duck wants more.

Quack.

For a while, I stand in the rain. Duck eats the crumbs, I eat the crackers.

Quack, said duck.

And so duck swam and eat, and I stood munching in the rain on crackers.

How simple beauty can be (t)here, in the rain and cold.

Autumn storm

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Since a couple of days, the weather really suits autumn; storm, lots of rain. Outside it’s dark and grey with streets covered in the yellowbrownorange sea of colored leaves. I’m lying in my bed and look out of the window; the branches of this pine tree are waving  and a few minutes ago a little bird was hopping through the tree, perhaps looking for a shelter.

I read some pages of the book “South of the border, west of the sun” by Haruki Murakami. A book I’ve read before, like all the works of Murakami, but it has been a while and this is the perfect situation for reading his books.

“But I didn’t understand then. That I could hurt somebody so badly she would never recover. That a person can, just by living, damage another human being beyond repair’.

(random quote from what I read today)

Last week, I found out that one friend had died. I remember the phonecall. Remember how I shaked for two hours. All the other things, that happened. A week has passed now, and what has changed and what has happened more? After the funeral, I went home again and that’s where I still am. I rarely left the house, just for groceries actually. Yesterdaymorning and this morning I went out for a walk through the stormy weather and the rain. No one around, everyone seems to want to stay inside – perfect. I’m happy that I have a good jacket for circumstances like this.

Last few days I also talked a lot with i-love-very-much-far-away-friend. I still cannot believe the impact she has and had on me. That –even if it seems far away and almost invisible right now, because it’s too long and too far away from me- I felt happiness. After a long time of emptiness. It is still hard to understand, but I’m happy she is part of the world. And now? I’m sitting here in the eye of a storm. Trapped. Inside a tornado, and you have no idea where it goes and you can’t step out of it. You can see the dreams flying around you, but they fly too far and high and fast to grasp. How do you know what the moment is to step into this tornado? I live, in the eye of a storm. Sitting and waiting, seeing and observing, but never going on the ride ittself. That is what is wrong with me. Waiting for movement, but I need to make the movement myself.