I’m alive

Click: Sia- Alive

I had a one way ticket to a place where all the demons go
Where the wind don’t change
And nothing in the ground can ever grow

But I survived

 I AM ALIVE.

Thank you Sia, thank you for such a perfect song.

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Keep on moving

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Even if it’s officially still winter, the weather finally was ‘better’ (means no pouring rain, ice, snow and things of such a kind), and I went out of the first ride of the year. There was a lot of wind though. I’ve been wanting to go for a ride since a couple of days, but stupid things kept me from it.

“People will watch at you and think you’re childish and it’s not cool for a woman of 31 to go longboarding and especially not when you’re not so good and you will look rediculous ……and so on and on and on”

So, somehow what other people think of me does bother me, while I know it shouldn’t. But still, this is hard to erase out of your system. At least, in my experience.

When you are like me in a kind of way, I guess, and you have so much difficulties to be part of this world, somehow it’s a bit important that you are accepted in some kind of way. These kind of things can kill something in your soul, as far what’s exactly left of that.

Anyway, there’s a place nearby, where I can use a road where no traffic is. It’s not a very very good road – cracks and lots of wood and stones around, just a small part is asphalt that is supernice to ride. But it’s a bit out of sight, surrounded by trees, and there are not so much people coming there >> big plus for this. They are there are though- people who walk their dogs. Unfortunately you always have to watch out for dogpoop (gross, really – is it so hard to clean up or make sure your dog poop off the road?). That’s a really not cool thing of the place, but so far it’s the best place for me to ride.

The sun was shining, so I took my board and walked to the place. Took my mp3 player as well, since I found a new song which I seem to like a lot (Sia’s Elastic Heart ) and which I can’t stop listening.

and i know that i can survive
i’ll walk through fire to save my life

I cruised around for a minute or 40, and I guess that was a maximum for me. I’m not in shape, and it’s hard to keep moving sometimes – to go out is already an adventure. There was also so much wind.

For the last couple of weeks, I tried to stick with at least 2 times walking in a week, to improve my condition and for my ‘future plans’ if you can call it like that. I would like to go on adventure races and trail running and do much more outdoor sports. I wish I lived in/nearby the mountains.

Last week was the first week I didn’t make it- I did one walk but one other day I cycled, so maybe that ‘counts’. I’m still not save, my mood fluctuates up and down, and I find it hard to find purpose on some days and find things to keep myself busy now.

This week I haven’t walked yet, but I made my first longboard ride. And today, I hope to make the second one.