New year. New chances. New hopes.

New pressure. Again pressure. Pressure never really was away. Always lurking around the corner.

And especially today, I realize, or it has been made clear, that I’m in a very toxic environment.

I don’t have a home

I am not free

I can not be myself

I have no rights here

This life is living me and I can’t escape it

because I’ll be the one to put the blame

and it’s just wrong

I can’t get air
I can’t breathe.

Sometimes it seems like everything is working against me
There is no support for me
That I don’t deserve support
That I don’t deserve positive things
That I don’t deserve oxygen
That I don’t deserve space to be myself

I’m surrounded by poison

Very toxic poison.

I need an antidote.


(I’m truly sorry; Haven’t been able to keep up with blog world, nor read or respond; I’m in survival mode – but the best wishes out there, I truly hope the New Year started well for you all and will be a good year.)


Candy in the garage

So, did you find

what you were looking for?

since the door never opened

and there never came no more

the windows never closed at all

The wheels seem breathless

out of air

dust collected on the ground

where you can

run far away

The door will open, in a few minutes

but what you see

is not what you are looking for

is not what you were looking for

not what you were hoping for