Do I follow my heart? Do I follow my brain? Can I follow both? Is that even possible? It doesn’t seem possible somehow, or well, maybe it could be but a part is not under my influence.
My hearts want to book a flight right now, and go to i-love-very-much-far-away-friend.
My head wants to find a temporary job (which is a bit out of my control, since I just have a very small influence on it – and the applications I did lately, turned out to nothing – 95% didn’t even respond at all), and earn money and save,and be able to use it when I move to i-love-very-much-far-away-friend.
Then there’s this other small part of my head that thinks: Try to get benefits again, but, IF they will accept me for it, which is not certain at all, they will probably take away my freedom and won’t allow me to go to i-love-very-much-far-away-friend. in december, they will force me to all kinds of things and I will have no choice but do what they want – I will be a prisoner of the system.
Heart thinks: ### the rest of the world, #### money, I want to be together and I don’t care about the rest , because she makes me happy. Because I want to be with her. Because after all these years of misery, I finally met happiness and beauty again.
Do I follow my brain? Put a lot of effort in finding a job and save money and try to be patient?Try again to go for benefits with the risks of having to cancel my flight in december and be the puppet on string and big chances of depression and unhappiness again of what they will ask and require from me?
Even if it maybe seems easy, these things are not easy. What can I choose?? There are everywhere pros and cons, and there isnt one ‘best thing’ I guess. How can you ever make choices in these things?
Am I blind? Do I miss options? Do I ask or expect too much of life?
Am I worried, about nothing? I don’t know. Again so many questions, without answers, without directions. Oh-I-don’t-know-what-to-do.