The fire

sdc15330

Why do they even call it the fire, when it’s not something that is literally burning?
Is it about the light? The warmth? The flame?

For a little while, life was so simple. All I had to take care of, was to get through the day, to find water, and food, and a shelter. To make it to the next place, or just make it through the day, but it’s a different making through the day as it is here. It’s kind of hard to explain, I don’t know how I can explain it with words, because they never have the load or the real meaning they have when it’s reality.

What is the fire inside of you?

What is the fire inside of me?

Can you answer this question for yourself? Can I answer this question for me?

The weird thing is that sometimes you think you know, but you are never sure. Or maybe you just assume. Or it changes, from time to time. I don’t know, I guess sometimes it’s just rather confusing.

Fire. What’s your fire? What’s my fire.

Is it the fire that keeps you moving?
Is it the fire that keeps you warm?
Or is it the fire that melts your heart?

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it’s all that i am

sadbear

 

The first thing you can’t miss is the darkness, or the void.
It’s like having two faces, or a faceless face.
A nothing becomes a huge void, and it grows so large that you can’t see the edges, no matter how long you stare. You can not really look for it either. You can only sense it.

There is nothing left to say, because this is all that I am. And everything that I am not.
Probably it doesn’t make sense if you don’t know the touch of it, but if you do, I do not even need to explain this. It’s harder to grasp than the darkness when the lights fall out. It’s harder to grasp because you can only know if you know.

And where the streets end into the wild, that is maybe where the peace comes back. Though the bitter truth is that you can’t escape it. Sometimes you want to fake it, because the pain becomes so strong that you can’t get rid of it. It’s a pain you can not fight.

you should have forgotten about me
I should have forgotten about you

but should is not the truth

and what keeps me on this line
and I hate it
and I appreciate it
maybe I love it, but I don’t know that now.

All I know is that it’s difficult. Like really difficult.

 

None of it, is true

And I can’t

find the door that should open

a new door to

a road I should

walk and

 

I tried to search the answers,

scanned the libraries through and through

but I didn’t find the masterpiece

and I forgot a whole new you

 

because I’m the old me

and my eyes never adapted

to the new lights and the contrasts

because I couldn’t

I couldn’t be.

 

 

What I can’t understand

IMG_0248

A gone, that is forever,

it’s dark as no sky has ever been,

more wet than any raindrop ever fell and

darker dan any darkness I have seen

No more movements, you just keep still

While you are still here and

you’re gone at the same time

but what is time – if there is no movement?

.
Clearly I remember the time we last saw

each other

And I knew, I knew.

I know where you are, but you are not there anymore

.

I can not

grasp it

I just

can’t

.

Broken sorrow

IMG_1261

As I kneel down

where the storm blows by

where stones drown underwater,

and the trees salute to the sky

 

my sword stings in the earth

footsteps,heading towards empty paths

Where leaves fall down and birds turn their heads

 

And grass the lonely silence witness

in fields of forever,

 

Where all I can do is

bend my head.

 

The radar is searching

There’s a storm going on,
it’s dark, even in the light,
and the shower gives nothing but rain
flooded roads,
stones washing away and dropped into places
where they don’t know.

A leave falls of a tree,
and floats through the air
to where?
it doesn’t know.

A submarine
comes to the surface
scans the area
on signs of life

it is all, far away

but the radar keeps scanning
keeps searching
an area
is never safe.