A bit out of the comfort zone

Last week, I did an unexpected application, quick and officially the opening was closed, but still on, but I still sent the application in. I was surprised that they did call me, and I had an interview today. For this other job.

This morning I went to my current job first , where I have to build up hours again, but I felt terrible. I was so so tired when I left there. Drained, and I just spend 2 hours there. things will never be okay again there.

I came home and went not very well prepared to the job interview (part of the plan, actually, to keep things stress-free). I am really not sure how it went. I asked lots of questions, but I’m not sure how well I answerd the questions about me and my skills. After, I thought I should have done things differently or should have said this and that, but it was already to late. I said what I said and I did what I did, I can’t change it now.

They will inform tomorrow, so I will know soon if I make a chance or not. But I really, really don’t know how I feel about this job. It could be nice, but I honestly don’t know. It’s hard to see that. I don’t know if that is the depression talking or that it’s just not a job for me.

So as I try to also see some positive things in what happens – Yeah, I felt bad today. But I went to work, I went to the interview and whatever happens, I did these things (and especially interviews and stuff like that are out of my comfort zone), I cooked and I ate strawberries. I slept too , but thats okay sometimes when  you feel miserable right?

I don’t know if it’s positive what I wrote, because I want to try to make positive posts too sometimes,  I hope it is, because this is the best I can do right now.




Bad feeling.

So, this morning I had the final interview for a job. (Well, the only (real) one that actually responded on my application). So far things went okay, except for today.

Was there in time, prepared myself, but it didn’t go nice somehow. I left with a weird, nasty feeling.

The interview was with different persons then they informed me, and they asked questions and I tried to answer everything. Asked questions about the job. But there was something that did not go so well, though its hard to say what it exactly is. It’s more a feeling. It had to do with the atmosphere.

I also know that there will be some people now who will not make it. Today and tomorrow there are interviews and there are more people coming for an interview than there are jobs (they have a few temporary positions, all the same). Anyway, I left there with a very weird feeling. Now I’m also wondering if I can do this job, if I would like it, too. It looks less nice than before, my head spins a bit.. But the most present thing that occupies my mind: I have the feeling I will not make it. Untill now, everything went well, but this, ruined everything. I don’t know. It just didn’t feel good.

It still, doesn’t feel good.

Made it through this round

So, today I had an interview. It went well actually and I made it through this round, which means I will go to the next (and final). Before I felt a bit nervous and I wasn’t completely sure what to expect, but it turned out okay!

So I’m not there yet, but at least it gave a positive state of mind for a bit and I am satisfied with how it went so far.




How things were a bit sad in the beginning of the week, the ‘not serious job’ and all the stress surrounding it, things have cleared up a bit. I don’t know why these things bring so much stress, because rationally I know it doesn’t have to be like this. Yet, it’s so difficult to control these thoughs, these feelings, emotions, whatever they exactly are.

Yesterday late afternoon I got a phonecall, of a job agency for a serious job. I talked for a minute or 20 with the guy (wow, really, did I talk so much !) and the conversation was okay. I found the right words so far (not completely, but it went pretty well for me. He also thought I would suit the job and so he send me some papers I had to complete and tomorrow I have a real interview. I’m nervous though. It’s been ages since I had a real job (1,5 year ago) and this is a bit related to my study as well, so if I would get hired, this would be my first job in the field of my study (well, not really strongly, but it’s linked to the field)

Please keep your fingers crossed with me , that it will go well and I won’t get any panic attacks or any of that kind. If I get this job, even if its temporary, things will be better for a while for sure because I finally will have some income again, which I really need!


This morning, I called the company where I would go for an interview today. Before, I was not far from a panic attack. I felt so weird, and somehow I couldn’t even see sharp. So weird, I was almost freaking out I might have some physical issue and I maybe can die or am very ill. Relax, sharktoothsweater, this is just overflow in your brain, is what I told myself. I just react strong on pressure and things like this, that’s all. But I never had problems with my vision before.


Yesterday evening, I did some research, and I felt more and more bad because it really didn’t look good to me. I spoke to one of my friends, for advice, and this morning I called the company with some questions. The answers where not so satisfying.

What I thought was true; they would not employ me and provide me with a salary; they would only pay for commissions. So I would have to end up in the sales world too, it was not really exactly what they said before.

Reality: I’m not the type of person who is really commercial and all that crap. I can’t do that; I can’t try to force people to buy things or donate, I am not a person who walks in a suit and where its all about looks and talks. I am more of support, advice, decent advice. I don’t force, or pressure, I will leave decisions up to someone him or herself. If I would take this job, I will end up with no money and very unhappy and more stressed because of this pressure.

So I cancelled.

Eh…I guess I have a kind of…interview?

Yesterday, I came across a job that kind of suits to my field of study. Not really, but it’s a bit linked somehow and I seem to fit the requirements again for a change (second time this seem to happen – rare!). So I applied for it, after feeling anxious and all these feelings and thoughts that make me feel very insecure , and I still feel anxious. I can’t really explain why; it’s not the end of the world, it’s just an application. The worst thing that can happen is that you get rejected right?

So today, my phone rang. (Yikes – I still hate phonecalls, but I force myself to pick up now, because if I want a job, I will have to talk to people). First I thought it was because of my application yesterday. But it was a different organisation. One that found my resume online. I never heard of this name before, and the person said they had some functions because their organisation is growing. It seems to be some kind of sales and marketing organisation, and they seem to be searching for commercial assistants, people who lead teams of the sales stuff, and who accompany and guide things in the organisaiton or something. I said that I am not really a manager type especially not for sales, but they said they have different positions and asked if I want to come for an interview, to ‘get to know each other’. If I could come tomorrow. Eh……tomorrow already? I don’t know anything about this. But I said yes. Without knowing anything of the company. Now, I read about the company, I’m not sure if this will be a place where I could work or where I would suit.

I just googled some things I could find about this company. Yikes. They all look like business and sales people. I AM NOT LIKE THAT.

What the hell do I wear tomorrow? I DONT HAVE CLOTHES LIKE THEM

Will I be strong and confident enough? Can I find the place where it is?

What if what if what if.