Doomed to live

Some time ago, one of my friends recommended this series on Netflix to me – Gomorra: La serie – an Italian crime drama series. Thanks to watching this series, I ‘discovered’ this music by this band Mokadelic.  Especially one of their songs is one that kind of resonated with me : Doomed to live.

Doomed to live. That’s exactly how I feel sometimes.

I don’t seem good enough to make a decent life. I’m not bad enough to have a very miserable life. I’m not even good or bad enough to be in between. I’m not good enough to make it in this world and keep things spinning, and not bad enough to be really sick or disfunctioning or whatever you call it.

I’m not even in the middle. Somewhere that falls everywhere in between.
I didn’t choose this. I didn’t choose life. Nor did I choose death.

I am just stuck, and doomed to live. Because I’m here. Because I’m there.

That’s what it is. Doomed to live.

Advertisements

it’s all that i am

sadbear

 

The first thing you can’t miss is the darkness, or the void.
It’s like having two faces, or a faceless face.
A nothing becomes a huge void, and it grows so large that you can’t see the edges, no matter how long you stare. You can not really look for it either. You can only sense it.

There is nothing left to say, because this is all that I am. And everything that I am not.
Probably it doesn’t make sense if you don’t know the touch of it, but if you do, I do not even need to explain this. It’s harder to grasp than the darkness when the lights fall out. It’s harder to grasp because you can only know if you know.

And where the streets end into the wild, that is maybe where the peace comes back. Though the bitter truth is that you can’t escape it. Sometimes you want to fake it, because the pain becomes so strong that you can’t get rid of it. It’s a pain you can not fight.

you should have forgotten about me
I should have forgotten about you

but should is not the truth

and what keeps me on this line
and I hate it
and I appreciate it
maybe I love it, but I don’t know that now.

All I know is that it’s difficult. Like really difficult.