on the road
to travel to
oh how i miss it right now,
and the peace inside my soul.
” But don’t you have dreams anymore?”
Sometimes I can’t see the future,
because I’m trapped in an invisible prison,
One that takes away your views and shuts off all sounds.
Sometimes I can’t bear the light,
And my eyes can only handle the dark
And everything can be both; wrong or right – there is no answer to be found.
Though sometimes I can see it, but it is far away,
I see a place and a person
and much nicer days.
Sometimes it seems out of reach and
sometimes it seems closer than before
And timeframes are getting closer
and at the same are too far away
It is all perceptive,
and days go by and days grow cold,
sometimes I want to fast forward,
and sometimes put a moment forever on hold.
Day by day,
and time keeps passing
I’m not with you.
The world is fading away and
my eyes are becoming colorblind and
everything becomes meaningless because
my heart is running out of what it needs the most
I could have screamed
I could have acted
And all that happened
is that I’m still here
and not with you.
And how much I wish
that would be true
how much I wish
be with you.
Reason. Purpose. Goals. Dreams. Wishes. Priorities. Motivation. Hope.
Last night, I came across this video : Every runner has a reason
If you want something enough, if you try hard enough, if you work hard enough, you will make it (?)
If you never give up on your dreams, if you keep following your heart, if you work hard enough, you will make it (?)
If you push yourself, if you keep on going, if you keep motivated you will make it (?).
So many stories to find of people who were in a sh*tty situation. So many got out and bling bling boom (this; doesnt mean I think they don’t worked hard for it!) – they made it. There they stand. The examples.
What’s the purpose of all of this? There are people, who are never going to make it. There are people , who just can not. No matter how hard they try, how hard they work, things aren’t working with them. If I see these videos, I’m truly happy for these people who made it so far, who came out of these sad situations, and they found a way to move on.
But at the same time, these videos make me feel awful. Awful about myself, that I can’t make it, that I can’t work hard anymore, that I can’t find the motivation, that I , lost my energy and trust in myself and don’t know who I am, where I fit, how I can make life work.
I don’t know. I don’t see it anymore. I have maps, a compass, books. But I can’t see it. My vision has blurred, even if I can still see clearly.
Once, long ago,
there were little sometimes, when I used to dream
Lying down on my back in the grass
Seeing clouds dance in the sky
A pleasant sun in the corner
The wind gently blowing
but it was all
If I would lie down in the grass
There is no more lying down on the back
And no more staring at the sky –
The grass is full of warning signs
clouds are threatening with rain
the sun requires protection
and being on the lookout is main
This is not my place,
I have to find another one
One where dreams are allowed and
just being yourself
and being happy
can be done.