When the sun goes down

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Sometimes,
or maybe just once,
all the colors of the world dissapear,
and you sink in to the deep
where there is no light

You sit on the bottom of the cave
and can’t fall deeper,
but can’t climb – you’re completely stuck

I don’t know what is worse,
but all I know is
that even if you’re on the bottom of the cave

and when the sun goes down
it does come up again
even if you can not bear the light.

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it’s all that i am

sadbear

 

The first thing you can’t miss is the darkness, or the void.
It’s like having two faces, or a faceless face.
A nothing becomes a huge void, and it grows so large that you can’t see the edges, no matter how long you stare. You can not really look for it either. You can only sense it.

There is nothing left to say, because this is all that I am. And everything that I am not.
Probably it doesn’t make sense if you don’t know the touch of it, but if you do, I do not even need to explain this. It’s harder to grasp than the darkness when the lights fall out. It’s harder to grasp because you can only know if you know.

And where the streets end into the wild, that is maybe where the peace comes back. Though the bitter truth is that you can’t escape it. Sometimes you want to fake it, because the pain becomes so strong that you can’t get rid of it. It’s a pain you can not fight.

you should have forgotten about me
I should have forgotten about you

but should is not the truth

and what keeps me on this line
and I hate it
and I appreciate it
maybe I love it, but I don’t know that now.

All I know is that it’s difficult. Like really difficult.

 

Where the eye can’t see, the head can’t look.

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A perfect silence drawing the sky
Flashes and lightning where darkness can’t be shy
Wilderness hidden in the depths of the woods
For every leaf that’s taken
and every forgotten moods
It’s just out of the fields, where deers come at night
Where the rabbits hear thunder
That is where it might.

Silent sun

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Outside, there is life. Outside, there is sun. The brightness and happiness, and where life happens.

Inside, there is me. Inside, there is darkness. A world of apathy, numbness and no energy.

A world where a smile hurts. A world where nothing seems to matter.

I pretend I see the sun, and just remain silent.

Maybe I was wrong

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Here I am.

Breadcrumbs on the concrete,

and it’s raining.  But not from the sky.

There are several ways to go from here,

though I don’t know which one to take and why.

Maybe I was wrong,

Maybe I could have known, or maybe not.

 

All I know is that I’m sitting here,

with breadcrumbs on the concrete,

and rain that

does not fall

from the sky.

 

 

 

It’s not dark enough

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A brand new day. A sun shines, and it shines in every corner. There is no darkness. There is no place to run or hide, because the light reaches everything. No matter what I do, how deep I crawl, I can’t hide myself from this “outside” world. You can’t run and you can’t hide – keeps repeating in my head, even if it’s not a voice that speaks. I can see those words literally flash by in my mind.I see the words. They don’t leave me alone.

There are these days, that the light is so bright, that the world seems unbearable. That you just want to crawl away, into darkness, just because it gives you space to breathe. Breathe, and rest, that you can’t get in the light. And even your sunglasses do not help you at all. The light just comes through. No matter what you do, no matter how deep the cave is where you hide, you stay visible.

Sometimes all you want is stay in the darkness, let the world pass and crawl away, just to get some rest.