Usually, I do not drink alcohol. Partly, because in general, I don’t like the taste, partly because of the nasty things that can happen when someone becomes alcoholic, as I’ve seen happening in my family. Or things I’ve seen happening that people did when they were drunk (I guess in general I really dislike drunk people). I can understand why someone doesn’t want to face the world and tries to numb the soul, or however you should call that. Sometimes I wish I could do that too.
Another reason I guess is that it’s expensive, and since I do not have an income I just don’t even think of spending so much money on it because it’s not necessary basic need.
The last two days, I’ve been feeling extremely sad. Sad and empty. Spending a lot of time in bed, just because I didn’t know what to do with myself, or how to find distraction, or any purpose in anything to do – everything seems meaningless and pointless. Things don’t matter. (But at the same time, I’m frustrated that I feel this way and I don’t focus on a future, or getting out of this crap. I want a different life, why don’t I act on it?)
In the basement, I rediscovered an old bottle of amaretto, I once bought for making tiramisu. Plenty left. Last week, I found a new Viennese blend drink which was very good. Somehow in my head, I linked amaretto to this drink, and thought it would be nice to numb my soul. Or have the positive effects of alcohol, if they would even work with me, I’m not sure. It was worth the try I guess. So I mixed the amaretto with the Viennese blend drink.
Somehow I found comfort in this. Apparantly this weekend, is my amaretto coffee weekend.