Last week, I did something ‘scary’. I applied for a training course abroad. I got accepted. *silence*. * doubts *. At this moment I still do not know, if my job will be extended. So far, there are 2,5 weeks to go and then it stops (or continues). But time is running fast. I didn’t do much to find another job. If my current job will be extended for me, will become clear in the next 2,5 weeks: lastminute. No certainties.
So, now I will have to take off the last day that I , as far as know now, officially, work. And go to this training course. After that? good question. I have no idea how things will go. Admittted: I’m scared. I finally have this job and I finally earn money again.Somehow it’s a bit comforting to know you can get by. My job is nice, though demanding now, but the pay is decent (although others think not) and I get along.
I could, build a future on this job. I could rent my place with this job, if extended. I could manage, to live a life. A “normal, steady” life, as far as you can ever speak of that.
And yet I can’t, because of these uncertainties.
And now, I got accepted for this training course. A training course about pilgrimage and outdoor activities, personal development, learning and transformation. I don’t really know what to expect of it, but when I read the documents, it caught my eye, and it never left my thoughts. Anyway I will spend a week outdoors, sleeping outdoors, walking. (Can I do that? I should, but still, so many doubts)
As well to be part of a group, is challenging. Do I fit there? What if they are all pro’s , and I’m the rookie? What if, what if, so much more what ifs.
These are no reasons not to do it, I realize, and I got accepted and I applied for it myself. Fear, is a bad thing to listen to. Fear, is something you have to step towards to, and go straight through it, is the way I see it now.
So easy said, so difficult to do.
Anyway, time keeps passing, every second, every minute, every hour, no matter what I think or do. It passes. And so the days come closer.