All you see is a drowned leaf in the water; it’s shallow, and clear, but there’s no way you could – or could have- rescued.
There is no fix, for certain things.
Right now, I’m not having the best time of my life. I always have these periods, and I will always have them. I don’t believe they will ever dissapear. Because the not sleeping aka insomnia continued, and I really felt like I would break down, I went to the doctor. I have a new one, since I moved, and he’s a bit weird in some ways I guess, I’m not sure I feel comfortable with him. He prescribed me some sleeping pills – which is actually what I came for. Last night was the first night I slept again, not enough, but at least I slept.
I remember a part of the conversation. Of course he asked why I couldn’t sleep.
Stress. Stuff. Life. Work. All the usual things, I guess. And, life is just difficult for me. I find life difficult, and it might probably always stay that way.
What he could do for me? I said that I knew he can’t fix my problems. That I know no one can fix my problems, and that some things can’t be fixed. All I wanted was sleep, and so I needed medication now, and he is the key to that.
Because usually I can manage to fix – or control – things in my life.
But sometimes I can’t. And this was now.
I’m not feeling better, I’m feeling low. Just low, not even depressed. But all that I know is that some things, can not be fixed. Not now, not in the past, not in the future.