S-t-r-u-g-g-l-i-n-g

The interview from last post did not lead to a different job. That was really okay actually, because I was not sure if this would be a better job for me.

I’m really struggling at work. And with life.

Work is really so not nice. It takes so much energy to pass just 3 hours a day at the moment. This was the first week of 3 hours a day. And I’m not even really doing something. How am I going to make it to the end of July? I tried to get holidays in July because I still have hours, but the question is if there is space to give me off. Blah.

I am not sure if I want another job.

I am not sure where I want to go, or what I want to do.

I don’t know what is wise to decide; stay called in sick or call in better for a while and get unemployment pay, but lots of other things I have to do. Or quit everything myself and just go and not have any money.

Sometimes I feel a bit angry and I hate money and all this pressure and these rules.

It doesn’t matter how hard you work, at least not in my case, because where did it lead me? Nowhere. I can’t even be safe moneywise or house-wise.What’s the point? Really.

All I can think of now, is that I would like to be somewhere with a tent on a piece of grass, with a view on water and trees, blue skies and some sun, and not worry about anything. That is what I want. And I want it to last. Not just for 4 days.

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