The bad trip

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For something like a week, I didn’t sleep well. I kept waking up during the nights.
Work+people around me not well+ the fact that I’m not good in dealing with stress = usually not a good combination.

Last week, I spend an evening with one of my friends. It was nice, we cooked together. After that she dropped me off home. Sometimes before she goes to sleep, she smokes a joint. That unstresses her, and lets her sleep very well. That’s where the idea came to my mind that I could try this to- to finally get some decent sleep (what I so desperately needed).

I don’t smoke, but I had spacecake. Some time ago I bought two slices for foreign visiters who wanted to try. I had one slice left in the freezer. And I thought this would be a good idea. But it was not.

Mistake 1: never take something like that alone. I was home alone.

Mistake 2: never eat the whole slice, start with a small part. But because I was so desperate for sleep, I ate it all.

So. Yeah. It went wrong. I had spacecake before, but nothing ever happened. I tried some weed too before, but nothing ever happened. I didn’t get what was so relaxing or nice about it. But this time was different. The spacecake worked. But not like I wanted:  I had a bad trip. Anxiety, shaking, kept being stuck in some kind of repeat mode.Nothing was real. I didn’t know what was real and what was not. I knew I wasn’t allright, but, I couldn’t control. And I couldn’t sleep.

It became worse and worse. Then I decided I needed help. I needed to be with people. So I tried to call my friend, but she was asleep and did not pick up. (She slept for 12 hours I learned the day after). I ended up calling my parents, in the middle of the night. Because there was no one else to call. They came and pick me up. I felt ashamed. I told the truth.

They were not angry. They came and took me to their house. There I slept. And I lay on the couch for the next day feeling weird, foggy in my head and tired. Now, two days later, I’m still tired. But I felt and feel ashamed. If I would be 16 or something, okay. But I’m  33, and having to call your parents in the middle of the night to come pick you up because of something stupid you did…that’s not cool. I never had to call them for anything like that, because I simply never did. This time I lost control. And I hate losing control.

This? never again.If I need to sleep, I just go to the doctor and see if I can get some medication I guess. But this? Never again. Never, never, never again.

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