It has been a while since I wrote my last blog. Work absorbed a lot of my time. I worked six days a week for a while, making monstershifts and monsterhours. I was exhausted, and since I’m working at an office (which means: computers all day long) I didn’t had the energy or willpower or whatever, to continue my online life.
Life just passed by – and I’m still here. Though not in a bad mood or whatever. Work is frustrating me a lot, and I know I can’t stay like this forever. So much things that don’t work well, and a too chaotic, not well functioning organisation – things will not change; the money, the finances, are all that matter. Not quality. It gets worse.
After this hell of a time at work (which was just work and sleep – kind of survival mode) I managed (not so easy) to get off for some time and go to my love in France.
We spend a wonderful weekend in the mountains. It was really one of the best weekends and moments of my life. Unfortunately love didn’t have off and had to go to work, but I’m happy we were togehter again. And then I flew back. And went to work. And now I’m sitting here.
I honestly don’t know what to say or what I feel – it’s a lot, and yet I can’t bring it into words.
There are endless stories and thoughts going through my mind, and yet I can’t write any of them because I can’t create a story.
I’m empty again. Slowly my usual life is taking over again. The meaninglessness, the emptiness, the void, the nothing.
At this point I’m not sure if it’s good or bad, I’m in a state of floating somehow – not bad, not pleasant, just floating somewhere where just thoughts flow, expression is difficult and things have less ‘load’.