How it goes more and more the way I don’t want it to be.

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My clothes don’t fit so nice anymore. Some clothes really don’t look good anymore. I know. I look at myself in the mirror. I have grown fat. I’m probably on one of my most ‘fattest’ periods I’ve been in my life. I know. While a while ago – well that while is actually something like a year- things seemed better. It was just temporary, I guess. I look again into the mirror.

I don’t even sigh anymore. I know. My shape is not so good.But I’m too tired to hate myself for it. I kind of don’t care, and at the same time I do. I don’t like myself this way.

I’m not taking so good care of myself. Work is taking a lot from me, and the rest of life what is around that too. It doesn’t help that I sit a lot at my job either.

But I’m the one who can make the change; and I don’t. I notice my body is stuck, but I don’t do anything about it. I was planning to extend my exercise and add more , but the opposite happened.

Probably I’m at health risks, or creating them, as far as I don’t have them yet. I don’t know, when do I wake up?

The body is one of the most important things. I want to look nice, feel well, be healthy. Why can’t I just act that way?

I know. I know this is not good, and this is not the way I want to be.

I can’t blame depression or life, because I know, and I should be able to change it.

But why, why am I just sitting here on my ass, realizing that I know, and not doing anything?

 

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