Huge doubts, if I’m doing the right thing.

Hello who ever reads this; firstly thank you for reading this, and a happy new year. I truly hope this will be a good year for you.

Hello to my super doubting self too: CAN YOU FREAKING WAKE UP FOR ONCE PLEASE AND MAKE A DECISION?

*breathe in, breathe out*.

Well, there’s a lot to say but I will not type everything; I’m too tired, and too pissed of with myself. So it will be a supershort version.

My car isn’t going through the yearly check; the bottom rusts too much, so I have to say goodbye to the car. I didn’t plan this, but it’s worse then expected, so I had to find a new car rapidly,. I found one, spend more money then I was planning too, but at least I can go to work and drive safe.

One of my friends’s boyfriend works at a housing company. She called me that there will be a nice apartment available soon – a chance to live on my own.

A few weeks ago I was sure I had to move out.

Now it really came, I am filled with doubts. I can’t decide. I can’t do it somehow.

*What if my job ends soon?

*I want to be closer to my love, and does it make sense to take an apartment when I maybe will move abroad?

* I just bought a new car, and getting in an apartment will mean: less money, less savings, maybe less possibilities to travel

*Do I really see myself living in that place? Where I have nothing and no one?

I saw the advertisement, because they placed it online today. It really looks nice though.

It would be perfect for me.

WHY can’t I take this chance?
WHY can’t I make up my mind and DO something?
WHY is there something inside of me that blocks doing something like this?

I don’t understand myself. I feel bad, bad that I can’t decide, bad that I’m turning down something while my friend tries to help me.

I don’t know what to do. I really don’t know what to do.

 

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