Captured sun

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Can you imagine:

a sun, clear blue skies

grass without snow,

suddenly flies

away.

 

One more second

is one too late to grasp

a sudden shock

is what lasts

 

And finally

my words will say

that where I could find

that’s no more game.

 

And you can decide

what your answer is.

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Not forgotten sorrow

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I did not forget -I tried to

But I know it always follows me

and I can run and I can hide – but it will always find me.

 

I guess this is my life

and things don’t get better, because maybe this is the best it can be

 

And sometimes

I’m just going under

Under the pressure

Under the pain

 

And sometimes I wish so badly
I was a drug addict and I could drug away my pain

I was an alcoholic and I could drink away my pain

I was a smoker and I could smoke away my pain

 

But I’m none of them

I’m just here with my pain.

Closer to the pain

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An alarm clock, and it’s dark outside.

I hear the wind, and the rain.

A brand new day, a brand new day of misery.

eating breakfast like everything is allright

a shower and the trip to work.

Fake smiles,

pretending everything is okay

but inside stings

reveal the pain.

and trying to hang on so hard

but the pressure is enormous

and every day, again and again

a brand new day starts.

A brand new day.

run down

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breathe.slowly. breathe, breathe.

Another heartbeat. Another useless heartbeat.

The air I breathe, is never enough. It’s the same – and never different anyway.

One step, another foot before the other one. But it’s never enough to get to the safe place.

It’s never enough.

Is it true, that I can not face?

 

The world trembles and feels like an earthquake,

but the world is standing still.

Living in the shadow

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There are always people who do not live within the world

You can only find them in the outskirts

though not the usual ones; you have to look through, not closer.

You will always find stories about them in books,

but those that no one picks up, and those that never will reach the library.

There are movies, but they are all a scene; they don’t really know how it feels.

It’s not even so easy to explain how it exactly is, to live in the shadow.

Visible, but unreachable, even if you think you made the connection, that’s just a sad none-truth.

I can’t explain, because I seem to be one of them.

 

Silent noise

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Probably, I look like a ‘normal person’. Probably, there’s nothing to see.

But inside my head, things are exploding: too much stress, too much going on, and I can’t handle it.

It feels like I have no support at all, and I’m on my own.

I can’t fall back on anyone. I have to deal with it myself, whatever it is.

I want that everything leaves me alone. There is too much to deal with.

Too much.

Everything feels like fighting a new war. And one war hasn’t ended, and there’s the next one.

I am tired. I don’t feel good. I don’t know what to do, or where to rest.

I can not get rest. I can not find it.

I guess things are shitty anyway, and there is always a temporary relief.

But it comes back, sooner or later. And there I go again.

Into the depths and traps of the low world, of the dark, painfull world that no one can see.

That no one can see, except me.