Stupid (?)

Today my jaw is still hurting. Also, the last day I have painkillers .

I didn’t go to work. I called work this morning to see if I could have a different schedule that’s managable for me; 8 hours on a day I don’t manage at the moment, and I don’t manage to talk whole day long. The stitches inside my mouth and my jaw do not agree with that. Otherwise the discomforts and pain that brings, there’s not much wrong with me (or is there?)

Anyway, I contacted my work, because I was called in sick Friday. They said I better stay called in sick, because they can’t guarantee me that they can send me home all the time when I don’t manage.So maybe I would have to call in sick a few times, which is not handy and not good because they look at the number of times you called in sick with contract extentions- if there are too many, it can mean the end of the job.

I spoke shortly with them and the rest via e-mail. They wrote something like “discuss this with the manager”so I wrote him. And now the doubts hit in. I don’t know why I did, I don’t know if that was the right thing to do. I asked for an adapted schedule becuase it’s not that I can’t work at all.

Maybe I shouldn’t have done that and stayed ‘called in sick’. Why can’t I just bear a few days doing nothing, I suddenly asked myself. Because I was home so much last week and worked from home 2 days? Why does it make me feel so uncomfortable? Am I that afraid of the organisations you can get to deal with when called in sick? Everyone’s out of running sometimes, so why can’t I be?

Suddenly, I feel like I’m stupid I wrote the e-mail.

I realize I can’t take it back, it’s already sent.

What’s wrong with me? I don’t give myself time to recover properly. Work has taken a hold of me, that I seem to feel the need to always be there and function like a robot.

That’s no good.

stupid me. silly me.

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