and so it goes

Several times I wanted to write something, but somehow it didn’t feel right. The words would not come out , not the right words, not the things I wanted to say.

Still, I can’t find them.

My feelings are messed up. My thoughts are messed up.

Life has just kept moving on. Five days a week I drive to work, work, drive home. THe evenings pass, usually with nothing special. The weekends are not so exciting either; I go grocery shopping. I shower,I clean, I hang around. And so it goes.

I can’t say I’m happy, but I can’t say I’m unhappy neither. But I’m not complete. A part that is incomplete, is that my love is not here/I’m not there. A part of that is I guess that I feel my freedom is captured. My job’s not so bad, but today, for the first time, I really felt that I can or should not stay in it. For a while it’s okay. I get by. I get along with my colleagues. Yet there are slowly changes coming that I feel are somehow not right. I can’t exactly say why – I guess this is ‘feeling’.

The world is a bit numb again, in some ways.

Yet I’m still trying to work on things. I guess. I finally made an appointment at the hospital, to get a wisdom tooth removed. I’m not looking forward to it, but it has to be done.

I asked off to go see my love in November, but there is nothing approved yet; having time off seems difficult. So I still don’t know and still can’t book a flight.

I’m trying to learn French, with some audio clips that I downloaded from language videos and play them in the car during travels to work.

I tried to put more (physical) activities in my life, but it didn’t work out so well yet.

I try to do activities in ‘real life’, like visit other people sometimes; I went to an activity with my colleagues and I visit my friend nearby almost every week.

I guess I’m doing okay. But it doesn’t really feel okay im some way(s).

 

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