It was ‘just’ too much.

Work has been incredibly busy and exhausting the last few weeks.

There were as well a lot of system failures this week on top of that. My days were long (9 hours or more) and I come close to a 50 hour working week. Now 40 hours I think is already pretty much and it can be difficult to deal with for me. I know it’s “normal” for a lot of people, for some even more hours. But seriously, I think it is a bit too much and I can’t understand how people deal with other things at the same time while working so much. I just don’t find the energy to do all those things (visiting friends, grocery shopping, cinema, sports, living on your own/cleaning your house and doing the necessary things). I find such a hard time to do everything I would like to or need to when I work this amount of hours. It leaves me at least one day totally numb and too tired to do things. And last week I just had one day off so that wasn’t helpful.

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But yesterday, it was really too much too handle. I already had trouble, I was very tired, and it just went on and on and on. I tried to push myself, just a few more hours, just one more day. But thursday I drove home, feeling so exhausted and shaky that it was not fun anymore. My head just stopped working. I came home, stepped in bed with my clothes on and went to sleep. To get up and dress and go to work again. I asked in the morning if it was possible to please be off a few hours earlier. I know it was superbusy, and I almost didn’t dare to ask, but I just had to. They didn’t give me off, but at the end of the day, when I had just 2 hours left, I knew I had to stop working. I couldn’t manage anymore. My head stopped working, and if I wouldn’t go home soon I would not be able to drive home myself anymore. So I went to tell that I had to stop working and had to go home. That was okay, but it still felt weak. Was I really the only one that dropped out? But I just couldn’t go on anymore. I need rest. Now I have a 2 days weekend off, but today I’m still kind of broken. I don’t function. I will just hang around feeling crappy the whole day.

Is this it? Is this how life is supposed to work? Is this what we are living for?

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5 thoughts on “It was ‘just’ too much.

  1. It’s okay to take a day off for yourself and even a few hours to take care of yourself, sharktoothsweater. It can be difficult adapting to a new environment that demands so much more energy and time. You will adjust, but things take time. I still don’t understand how my colleagues get through the day sometimes and have time for non-work activities (entertainment, children, etc.). Sure, they have the aid of caffeine, but even that is temporary at best.

    And remember, there is always more to life than just work. Please take the time to really look after yourself.

    • You are so right, thank you for giving me these words back.
      It’s so hard to find a balance in everything. I question myself all the time now. I like the job, it’s really okay, but it’s too busy. This brings too much pressure and there isn’t really time for a relaxed breaks even during the day. There is always someone else waiting with a problem, and even if I work a bit harder or more, there is always someone else – it doesn’t get less. What is frustrating to me is that I could easily share my job or that it would be so much easier to deal with when they would extend the period of the project I’m working on. I also know that I have one more month to work and then work is over. And maybe I will have no income at all anymore for the rest of the year, so I try to do as much as I can just to be able to live through the year. This is just on my mind all the time. I know it doesn’t make a difference to worry about it all the time, but somehow it doesn’t leave my mind. All these insecurities about just basic existence.

      But whatever happens, I know that I can not continue like this. i can not work a job like this this way for years. That is something that is pretty clear to me.

  2. That sounds so stressful – I feel for you. I would suggest going part-time like I am (it’s the only way I can handle the balance!), but I appreciate what you say about needing to earn as much as you can while you have this opportunity. Perhaps just focusing on the fact that you can literally start counting down the days til the end now will help get you through. And as you’ve said, however hard this has been, you’ve learned something about yourself and what you need going forward.

    Hang on in there. Not too long to go now.

    • Thank you. I wish I had the possibility to go parttime, but this is the busiest time of the year in this job and this is what I’m hired for…

      The problem is that I don’t know how long I will have a job. Or maybe that is not a problem at all, but not having an income is well……not a nice thing.

      Maybe, there’s a small chance I can stay after half of June, but there will be new selection rounds and new interviews. It will be for a little bit of different job probably, but same company and similar I guess. But nothing is sure, and it will only be revealed at the very last moment who will be in the race and who not, so there’s nothing to count or rely on. I guess there are a lot of people who would like to stay and they are all good.

      • :/ these uncertain situations are really not helpful. Particularly with work on short contracts, it just takes away your ability to plan ahead. Not exactly a stable environment.

        Whichever way it goes in the end, I will hope for a good outcome for you, whether in a new contract or something different altogether.

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