Work has been incredibly busy and exhausting the last few weeks.
There were as well a lot of system failures this week on top of that. My days were long (9 hours or more) and I come close to a 50 hour working week. Now 40 hours I think is already pretty much and it can be difficult to deal with for me. I know it’s “normal” for a lot of people, for some even more hours. But seriously, I think it is a bit too much and I can’t understand how people deal with other things at the same time while working so much. I just don’t find the energy to do all those things (visiting friends, grocery shopping, cinema, sports, living on your own/cleaning your house and doing the necessary things). I find such a hard time to do everything I would like to or need to when I work this amount of hours. It leaves me at least one day totally numb and too tired to do things. And last week I just had one day off so that wasn’t helpful.
But yesterday, it was really too much too handle. I already had trouble, I was very tired, and it just went on and on and on. I tried to push myself, just a few more hours, just one more day. But thursday I drove home, feeling so exhausted and shaky that it was not fun anymore. My head just stopped working. I came home, stepped in bed with my clothes on and went to sleep. To get up and dress and go to work again. I asked in the morning if it was possible to please be off a few hours earlier. I know it was superbusy, and I almost didn’t dare to ask, but I just had to. They didn’t give me off, but at the end of the day, when I had just 2 hours left, I knew I had to stop working. I couldn’t manage anymore. My head stopped working, and if I wouldn’t go home soon I would not be able to drive home myself anymore. So I went to tell that I had to stop working and had to go home. That was okay, but it still felt weak. Was I really the only one that dropped out? But I just couldn’t go on anymore. I need rest. Now I have a 2 days weekend off, but today I’m still kind of broken. I don’t function. I will just hang around feeling crappy the whole day.
Is this it? Is this how life is supposed to work? Is this what we are living for?