Last week, I didn’t do any job applications. Simply because there wasn’t anything that ‘suited’ (I am not a technical schooled person, I don’t have 5 or 10 years experience, I didn’t have the asked for diplomas and certificates, etc). I only went to a fair for working and living abroad, and spoke shortly with two people, but nothing concrete. And I came back sick, and ended up spending a few days in bed mostly sleeping.
I managed so far to go on walks three times a week, this week my score is still on one, but I plan to go this afternoon for a walk too. I’m still working on clearing out my stuff, I selected some books from University which are probably of no use anymore, so I will try to sell them. I threw away a lot of paperwork (information – it’s ‘hard’ to throw information away somehow).
I still need to do some things, like change my mobile phone plan which actually expired a couple of years ago, but I never changed it because the new plans where not interesting at all. But now, it can become cheaper I think, but it’s somehow a hell to sort out. As well, I have to get a reference thing from the doctor to be able to get a new compression stocking for my leg. (Btw, which I still end up paying myself, thanks to the own risk policy from the health insurance – it’s really awesome, I pay for everything myself in the end, so why having insurance? Because it’s obligatory, stupid system!). This is what pisses me off sometimes too. For example, if I would smoke and quit smoking, I would have a lot of reimbursements for treatments and such, and for what I have now, something I didn’t choose to have, and I can’t control at all I end up paying everything myself because everything is out of the insurance (it’s a not too common thing, maybe that’s why.)
I guess I sound a lot pissed of and angry ‘at the world’ lately. I guess I am a bit, because somehow a lot of things are not fair or equal in my eyes. Sometimes it bothers me I guess.
But yeah, what can I do? Moaning about it doesn’t help. So I guess I just have to move on and take it for what it is. And I’m trying, I just don’t always succeed. By now, I heard when I have the final interview for the (temporary) job I applied for a couple of weeks ago. It’s next week. I’m a bit anxious I guess – what should I wear? Can I find the place? Would I say the right things? Would I make a good impression? Am I capable of doing this?
Of course, I will have to pretend. That I’m good for this job, that I’m awesome, that I can do this, piece of cake! (But that, is the contrast of the real me). I’m way more careful. Maybe I can, if there’s one thing I’ve learned is that you’re almost never sure. And so far, with this job, I guess I sounded pretty confident. I crossed a line. A line that is not me. It feels uncomfortable. I just want to do work because I’m good in it and I like it, and not because I pretend like someone I’m not.
Is that the point? To be someone you’re not?