This morning, I called the company where I would go for an interview today. Before, I was not far from a panic attack. I felt so weird, and somehow I couldn’t even see sharp. So weird, I was almost freaking out I might have some physical issue and I maybe can die or am very ill. Relax, sharktoothsweater, this is just overflow in your brain, is what I told myself. I just react strong on pressure and things like this, that’s all. But I never had problems with my vision before.
Yesterday evening, I did some research, and I felt more and more bad because it really didn’t look good to me. I spoke to one of my friends, for advice, and this morning I called the company with some questions. The answers where not so satisfying.
What I thought was true; they would not employ me and provide me with a salary; they would only pay for commissions. So I would have to end up in the sales world too, it was not really exactly what they said before.
Reality: I’m not the type of person who is really commercial and all that crap. I can’t do that; I can’t try to force people to buy things or donate, I am not a person who walks in a suit and where its all about looks and talks. I am more of support, advice, decent advice. I don’t force, or pressure, I will leave decisions up to someone him or herself. If I would take this job, I will end up with no money and very unhappy and more stressed because of this pressure.
So I cancelled.