Side line


The real world isn’t always a nice place to be. Often I feel like I’m not even part of it;that  I’m just somewhere on a side line, watching from a distance. Or behind a thick cloud, where I can see vague movements, but can’t step into. Seeing and observing and noticing the world, the real world. But not really feeling and experiencing it. I’m in a side world; living my own, detached life.

Sometimes I wish to be a part of it, other times I wish I could withdraw from it and pretend it’s not there. Anyway, even if there are maps, it’s still unsure how to walk your path exactly. The paths drawn on the map are not yours, so you will have to figure out anyway. And even if you find the road, you will have to figure out how to walk it, IF you can walk it.

Sometimes I don’t want to face the world. I don’t want to be part of it, and  I hide in my own detached world. In the past I used to dissapear in video games, but the game console hasn’t been touched for months; I don’t feel like playing at all. Sometimes I just sit in my room, watching, thinking, walking around, but not doing anything much – this can be hard, to pass the day nicely.

And sometimes, when things work out, I dissapear into the world of books and this world absorbs me completely. Now, I wish I could dissapear in the world of books – I want to read and read and read and be with my head somewhere else in a story. Yet, I’m not in the right mindset to read, so it doesn’t work out. Nothing seems to be right, nothing seems to last.

So I’m sitting here. Trying to still make something of the day, but struggling. Sometimes it’s just so hard to get through a day. What do you do when you have a day like that?


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