So, today was supposed to be a better day than yesterday – or at least, I planned to make it a better day. I’ve set my alarm on 8.30 (but I snoozed and got up at 9.00), went to eat some breakfast and drank a cup of tea, scanned a newspaper, and went to shower and washed my hair (didn’t wash my hair for a week, yikes, I know).
Last week I made a new “plan” and I want to try to stick with it. I try to go on a walk at least two times a week (three days a week I’m home alone part of the day, which gives me the space and peace of mind to do things in MY way). Yesterday failed, so it was important I would go today.
First I went to the postoffice and did the laundry and made some lunch (because one of my parents comes home for lunch). After lunch I finally had a few hours somehow for myself, so I went out for a walk. I wanted to go to the little forest first, but the path was crowded and I somehow didn’t feel like bumping in people, so I walked somewhere else. It was ‘just a ” 30 minutes walk, but it was a walk, right?
So, I came home and saw a vacancy. This is actually another part of “the plan” – find a job and save money. With the person I love, we made some kind of plan that contained for me: find a job , apply at least 3 times a week (last week, I didn’t make it though 😦 ). When I don’t find a job before 1st of March, I will go abroad. Or on a travel to Georgia, Azerbaijan, Armenia OR I will go to France and be nearby her.
Okay, so I saw a vacancy. One I seemed to fit the requirements, and one that seemed cool. Okay, let’s do this and apply! I felt some hope sparkle in me. I started writing, even with still these 10000 attacks of my own brain: you can’t do this, others are much better than you are, and blablablablabla. But I kept going. And then , this happened: after just such a short time! This job, was online recently (one possibility; apply online- no other options for this job) and after such a short time, while I was still working on my letter, this message appeared in my screen: Due to a lot of applications, we closed this vacancy.
WHAT? NOW ALREADY?
Seriously, how quickly do people write a letter? In an hour? No way! No way I can write a good letter in an hour, this requires time!
And there I sat. Dissapointed. these attacks in my head – you see, you’re not fast enough, no one wants a slow person like you, am I doomed, and so much more, the ‘blablablablabla’.
Great. This was supposed to be no. 1 of this week.
Ice-fossil. I came across this on my walk. An Ice-fossil, is how I called it. Am I an ice-fossil? something that once have been useful, but now lost it’s glory and function?