“Life is either an incredible adventure, or it is nothing at all”
That’s what a voice spoke in a video. It’s not even that I think this is correct or the way it is or whatever, but somehow it kept stuck in my mind.
Maybe because it’s that I’m feeling quite awful. Yeah, I guess I felt it coming a bit, but it seems that I’m slipping away in a depression again. For over a week now I have trouble to get up, I just don’t want to get out of bed and I spend way more time in bed than usual. There’s no reason to get up, and if I’m up all I can think of is crawl back into bed again.
I don’t care about well eating, it feels like I’m living in thick fog, that I’m not real, in a fake world, and that I function more slower and less sharp and aware than usual. All warning signs. There are more, but I don’t have the energy to use my head too much and point and analyse everything completely to the point. I hate to be in the outside world, I don’t want to face people.
I just feel awful. I’m really trying not to let it get me, but all I want is to hide and sleep and lie in bed because I don’t know what to do with myself. I force myself to go out and dress and shower and such, but it’s really difficult and heavy. Yesterday I went to visit a friend, but I didn’t talk much and I didn’t feel like anything. I just sat there, I said I felt down, so they didn’t push too much, but I could notice she was worried.
Everything feels like it weights like a ton. Everything is a survival competition.
And yet, I’m not doing anything.