Enough said. Just sitting here.
That seems to be my existence, at the moment, for the last few days. I’m not doing anything really, at least that is how I feel. I wake up, looking outside at the tree in front of my window; there is no need to step out of bed to sense the icy cold outside.
I don’t like it too much, but yet I feel stuck to do things. (I know I’m not, because in reality I am able to move). All I do, is just doing the household, because I’m the only not working person in this house.So I cook, do the shopping, vacuum clean, take care of the animals, do the laundry, iron, clean the kitchen, the bathroom, and still work on my downsizing stuff project. It’s still going (really takes ages). I was able to sell quite some stuff so far, but there is still much left. This selling my stuff went well so far; finally, since a long time I had some money coming in, even if it’s less the minimum wage for sure, it does help me. I was able to buy new shoes for the winter, without feeling guilty of it. I am able to buy a few presents for people to give them with Christmas, without feeling guilty if it was the right thing to spend money.
Yeah; I usually feel guilty when I spend money when nothing is coming in. But when my bank account balance doesnt change, it seems to be okay. So far , so good – untill now. Another thing I know it’s temporary.
So far I think I’m doing okay – I don’t feel great but I’m not super depressed either, even if the circumstances are perfect for it. And the days are cold and long and dark and I don’t know what to do very well. In the mornings I have some trouble to get out of bed, and then suddenly I rush because I feel guilty I stayed in bed for so long. I’ve been searching another job round, but it didn’t gave any results; simply nothing available for which I have the required papers.
And here I sit.