So. I got turned down for another job. Really, I’m really getting sick of this. The constant being turned down. It was a job for which I had experience (which is rare usually) and which I am sure I can do. I also seemed to fit in the profile they gave, but of course, they had other candidates who fit better in their profile, so that’s (like always) the reason (at least they write that to me), that my application ends here.
Finally I had the strenght back to search for a job again and apply for things lately, but it doesn’t work at all. It’s really affecting me, and I try not to let it affect me. Say a year ago, these things really affected my mood. Luckily, they don’t really affect it now like they did before, and I hope it stays like this. It’s not cool that I can’t find a job, or that no one wants me, it doesn’t help for the confidence in myself or the feeling of having a right to exist.
I try to keep myself okay, even without money, I survive so far.
The more and more I can dream again, the more I realize I do have dreams. I dream of the outdoors, of hiking in the mountains, of doing adventure races, and things like that. But I’m not in shape, and I didn’t do these things much. Though I know I love them and I would be more happy to do these things actively – I miss the mountains. I miss the outdoor life. There are no mountains here, where I currently stay.
The more and more I think moving next year is a right thing to do. Even if I don’t have a job. I don’t expect to find one very soon when I will go there. Though I hope I will.
I need to do this. I need to make this move. I need to go abroad. I need to follow my heart, and find and chase my dreams. (And yeah, of course, I’m afraid – I feel (again) this is my ‘real last chance’. – If this doesn’t work out….no, i don’t want to think about that.).