Sometimes we have to say goodbye to someone,
sometimes very unexpected – it’s painful,
it’s a part of life – if we want or not.
and with experiences and the lessons we learn,
these things change something in our mind, make us realize – what really really matters.
but it doesn’t leave the pain behind
Sometimes, the world stands still. While the world around you is moving and moving; you’re standing in the middle of a movie where no one notices you, it just continues, and doesn’t wait.
You’re like the station of the subway; where everyone starts and departs, And where subways stop and go, while you are standing still, are frozen forever And you miss the things, before you know
There are always these dark clouds
and there is always the sun. Somewhere, there should be ‘the middle’ – and you have to try to find it, because before you know, the end could possibly have begun.
Yesterday, I went to the funeral. Somehow it was less hard than in the morgue (for me). This was also my first Islamic funeral ever, so I wasn’t sure how it would go exactly or what to expect. There was a delay of almost an hour, since it took longer with the rituals in the mosque (this part was private, I wasn’t there) so I waited on the cementary.
The rain poured down from the sky, and I was standing aside along the driveway of the cementary, under big chestnut trees. I saw the line of cars coming, and the cars stopped on the driveway. They carried the coffin out, and here the sun started to shine. People carried the coffin to the grave. It started raining again. The most women weared headscarfs, first it made me feel a bit uneasy, because I never thought of the possible need of one. (Also I don’t have one.) But luckily, no one seemed to make a problem of it , and there were a few more women without headscarfs. This part went quite quickly. They took her out of the coffin, because Islamic funerals- they don’t bury people in coffins, but they cover the body in some white sheets, and bury it that way. This part was a bit weird for me to see, because you could easily see the shape of the body. She was covered with sand, there were some prayers, and we were asked to leave – only the family could stay for longer. The whole thing together was maybe 10 or 15 minutes, not longer.
I walked away with all kinds of thoughts inside my head. Then I went to my city-friend’s house, which is very close to the cementary, and stayed there for a couple of hours. We talked, and ate a bit, the first thing I could eat that day. A bit later at one side of the sky there were dark clouds, on the other side the sun, and in the middle a rainbow.
It’s still weird. And I still don’t know how I feel, or what to think. It’s just weird.