Some time ago, on the 14th of September to be exactly, I wrote the post ‘Away with the stuff’. So, that is almost a month. In this month, I’ve been starting a clean up, to reduce my stuff. A month seems a long time especially talking about cleaning and sorting stuff out, though I haven’t finished my clean-up yet. I’m still throwing away papers, clothes, stuff.
I made a little money because I sold some stuff; things I don’t use anymore, books from University I looked in once and can’t imagine ever using again, clothes that are good but I don’t wear anymore, stuff like that. I threw away a lot of papers. Somehow ‘storing information’ was so important to me that my room probably looked like an old KGB – headquarters or something. The need to analyse everything, to know everything to keep track of certain things and persons, is over. The need, is gone. I feel a bit ashamed of myself how I did this, because I feel it is not normal and maybe paranoia, to do. But well, things change, time change, I change. And I don’t do it anymore. It makes no sense.
While in this process of clean-up, I came across my what I call ‘box of memories’. This is a wooden, handcrafted box where I stored a few things in; some papers where someone wrote something on for me, nothing special, but it was from my worst crash down. I don’t know why I stored it or why I still have it. I didn’t throw this away yet – I’m in doubt. Also with that box, a stash of medication. And not just ‘a few’ things, seriously, loads of medication. Though the most are expired by now. Today, I’m going to say bye to them. I don’t need them anymore. They are of no use to me. If I die, it won’t be of this. I’m saying goodbye to these crashdown times. To these miserable times. I want to head for a future. I want to head for a future with i-love-very-much-far-away-friend. I want to head for a future abroad. To a future outdoor. With an own place to live. With a bit of work to do. Just nothing special, but it’s all I want. i-love-very-much-far-away-friend, a place, practise sports, work 30 hours a week or something, read, travel, outdoorsports, learn, just, things, like that. That’s all I want.