increasing pressure -hello reality.

So. I managed to push myself to the special Jiu Jitsu training today. With the focus on knives; self-defence when you’re attacked with a knife. It was interesting, though it went a bit too fast for me. Next to one other person, I was the only one with a ‘low’ belt. There were particularly men, I was -next to one of the two instructors- the only woman. And everyone had a brown, black or higher belt. So they probably pick things up faster and they just know more. But that was okay – it was just difficult for me to keep up. Somehow, it did not seem to matter at all that I have a low belt – these people were nice actually, even if I didn’t speak so much with them, I felt accepted, in a way, which was nice.

Just before I left to go to this training, the mail came with something I have been expecting for a while; my student debt. I opened the envelop, and anxiety took over. How the hell can I solve this? I want to pay it as soon as I can, but I NEED A **** income. It’s a miracle, that after reading this,  I managed to go to the jiu Jitsu training – this could easily kept me in bed for the rest of the day feeling awful.

I knew how much it approximately was, and, I tried to start paying something of when I still had a job, but because they cut my hours I stopped doing it because I earned too less and after I had to quit the job, I simply couldn’t pay. With the interest, it’s as high as it was before when I started paying of, so now it seems that my payments I did didn’t help. Ouch.

It’s a lot, (well, I think it’s a lot). Hello reality, I am not going to lie about this and face the facts: my debt is roughly  27500USD/21000EUR/16457GPB. Ouch.

They want that I start paying every month from januari 2015 157USD/127EUR/ 99GPB.

So how the heck am I going to do that? How the heck am I going to get my life together? It is so hard to keep on standing. Of course, I want to pay back the loans I used, but sometimes, I wished I would have kept working , instead of going back to University. (Okay, if I didn’t get sick and got this years delay I wouldn’t have a huge debt like this, but it happened and I have to deal with it now). Because of getting ill, I am in this trouble, and since all of that sh*t happened things got worse and bad. I didn’t choose for any of this, but things were not really working with me and now I have to deal with this. And I can’t. I don’t know how to pick up my life together. I just wish I could.


One thought on “increasing pressure -hello reality.

  1. I’m so sorry this is hitting you hard (especially now) – there are just no allowances these days. I can sympathise. And you will sort this out.; by all means disbelieve me, but you will because you have to, even if you’re not sure how at this moment in time. I wish I could give you my confidence in that. Hang in there

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