Have (no) faith, right?

Keep faith. Have faith. Keep going. Ask for help when you can’t deal with it or when you need help.

Yeah, right. (Sarcasm modus on).

Switch*Stop*Go*Search*Try*Fuckoff.

Since all of the crap happened above on top of all the crap going on already, I guess I felt that I needed support and help. It is hard to manage alone. Maybe I reached my limits.

I know that I have a lot of trouble asking for help and support and it is not something I do easily. Also, the times I did, or when I needed it the most, it turned out that there was no help at all.

And it looks like that is the case again and it makes me angry.

Why the fuck tell me to hang in, why the fuck tell me to keep and have faith and ask for help when you need it the most everything lets you down?
But yeah, probably it’s me right? My pessimistic view on things. My ask for help is probably not the right sentence to say, and probably you don’t see that I need help.

I look too strong. Everyone says hang in, keep strong. And when I say that it;s too much for me, then that is probably not the right way of expressing things since people will tell me to hang in. What do I have to do? Scream? Smash the place apart?

Or maybe no one can help me. I don’t know.

But I don’t want to talk anymore. I don’t want to ask for help anymore. I am fucking tired.

I don’t feel like facing the world anymore. Trying to find my place,  it’s too much energy.

Trying to socialize. Trying to be part of a world that doesnt want me. Trying to survive.

What is there to survive? What is there left ?

 

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3 thoughts on “Have (no) faith, right?

  1. I’d like to help you somehow, but I don’t know what I can do for you.
    Talking? Hiring a killer to kill everyone who you hate? Going to do surf hoping that a wave drowns us?
    Okay I acknowledge that hiring a killer could be a problem and that I am the worst person who can help someone.
    But if there’s something that I can do to help you, I do it. Really.

    • Thank you. It means a lot to me. I don’t know how you can help me exactly, you already kind of help me just by existing and being the way you are.
      the whole combination of things going on in my life aren’t great combinations and I felt let down because organizations and such who should kind of help or assist you in cases like this don’t seem to help me at all and it just gets me down. It just irritates me that so many people told me that i should ask for help when things are difficult and that there will be a solution somehow but when it turned out that way and I did then things are so complicated and it is too hard and exhausting to get help and it almost feels like i have to defend everything and why and blegh. I’m just so damn tired.

      • I know, I can understand you. More the time passed, more all becomes harder and it’s normal that you’re so tired. People says what it’s right to say for their conscience, but it’s just air, no concrete things. For example, since when I lost my job, they say me “be quiet”, “things will get better”, “If you need an help, I am here”, “This period will makes you stronger” etc, etc. Nice words but that count nothing. And then everyone goes on (rightly) with own life and dissapears 🙂 This kind of situation is what I’ve always lived. So, even if I still get pissed off sometimes (or often), I’ve no hopes and no trust in others. The problem is that I should be very strong to manage my life alone and send to fuck off everyone, but I’m not so and then I’ve many problems and too tired to resolve them.
        I don’t know, I’m just sorry that this life/world makes me become a person who I hate. And this is the biggest problem.

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