Keep faith. Have faith. Keep going. Ask for help when you can’t deal with it or when you need help.
Yeah, right. (Sarcasm modus on).
Since all of the crap happened above on top of all the crap going on already, I guess I felt that I needed support and help. It is hard to manage alone. Maybe I reached my limits.
I know that I have a lot of trouble asking for help and support and it is not something I do easily. Also, the times I did, or when I needed it the most, it turned out that there was no help at all.
And it looks like that is the case again and it makes me angry.
Why the fuck tell me to hang in, why the fuck tell me to keep and have faith and ask for help when you need it the most everything lets you down?
But yeah, probably it’s me right? My pessimistic view on things. My ask for help is probably not the right sentence to say, and probably you don’t see that I need help.
I look too strong. Everyone says hang in, keep strong. And when I say that it;s too much for me, then that is probably not the right way of expressing things since people will tell me to hang in. What do I have to do? Scream? Smash the place apart?
Or maybe no one can help me. I don’t know.
But I don’t want to talk anymore. I don’t want to ask for help anymore. I am fucking tired.
I don’t feel like facing the world anymore. Trying to find my place, it’s too much energy.
Trying to socialize. Trying to be part of a world that doesnt want me. Trying to survive.
What is there to survive? What is there left ?