Decision time

I’m going to quit this. I just can’t take it anymore.

I can not work like this here, there are too many issues. I tried to talk about it so many times, but it leads to nothing. And things are adding and adding. I can’t bear it anymore. I always get my food money too late, and now it seems to became even less (which makes no sense) and it is frustrating me too much. I can not even find the energy to fight it.

Im waiting for the moment that I can finally get to speak to the person in charge here.

But I’m done. It’s over. I’m exhausted.

It is no good to stay like this here. Its affecting my health. My sanity (for as far I am sane). This is not helping me in life. The opposite happens; i’m slipping away and getting more depressed. I guess it has a good side as well, because I choose for myself; this is my limit, and no matter what others say, I choose this.

I don’t know how it will continue. Where I will end up in the upcoming time.

I have a few places where I can sleep, though I’m not sure for how long.

But I will have to find a way to earn some money and don’t fall apart.

It’s hard.My heart stings like hell. I feel awful.

But I know this is inevitable.

I can not take this anymore.

I can’t.

I can;t.

 

Contradiction

The smile while surrounded by the darkness

I look in to your eyes

And almost

dissapear

in the depths of these invisible canyons

There is so much light

inside of you

I see it, I sense it.

How can it be so beautiful?

How can you even bear

the black hole that is me

craters of bombings

and nothing on my surface to see

where I lost hope,

you believe.

The drop of sorrow

Anytime, there won’t come a new tomorrow

The raindrops on the window

Blur the view that the eyes could possibly see

The door is unlocked, but there is nobody

but me.

The coffee expired and stays hidden

behind a closed cupboard door

The dishes stare at the tap

but it refuses to give any water

There is simply no turn on

on the table, one little drop of sorrow

tells the story from inside my heart.

And nothing but silence remains.