The tortoise

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Today I went out for a bike trip. While I was going full speed downhill, I saw something flashing by in the corners of my eye on the middle of the road of which I first thought was a biiiig super snake where maybe a car had run over. (I didn’t see it too well since I was going quite fast).  But I thought it was too high for a snake and the pattern looked weird, and so I turned around and found this tortoise. On the middle of a road where not a lot of traffic goes by, but the traffic that goes by goes fast. It seemed very afraid so I thought I should help it cross the road. I put away my bike, and walked slowly towards the tortoise. It stick out its head a bit, little eyes looking at me, and it hid again. Careful I picked it up with two hands and put it on the side of the road and waited.

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Tortoise slowly sticked out its head, looked at me for a couple of seconds and started walking. In to the bushes where it is way more safe. And for a couple of minutes I stood there just watching the tortoise, and smiled.

 

 

Midnight run

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Another sleepless night coming up. And so I found myself on my balcony again, on a warm evening, turning into a night, watching the sky, watching the stars, watching the world go dark. 2 am. Still no signs of sleep. And no signs of civilization. Somehow I felt strong.

Earlier I had a very short (digital) conversation with someone who touches something in me. I don’t know that person very well, but once, when we just met,  we had a deep conversation. I felt connection. I felt understood. This was a person who experienced similar troubles, difficulties, disconnection, and so on. That person was really open to me somehow. I don’t know why. But somehow, I feel a lot of respect for that person. I wish I could talk more, to that person. But this person, is far away and will probably never be close. It has something that makes me very sad, but also something that is beautiful as well – I should be grateful that I met that person right? that I had an opportunity to talk with that person. Something about it makes me feel really sad.  But for now, this (short) conversation made me feel good when I recalled it in my mind.

Anyway, even if I cycled earlier on the day for a few hours with these mountains that normally exhaust my legs, my legs felt strong this time. For a moment, I felt strong. And I took my running shoes, and went for a midnight run.

The Balcony life: duck world

For the first time in my life, I have (well, okay, it’s not mine…but I live there alone for as long as it lasts) a place to myself. A flat with a kitchen and living room, a bathroom, and two bedrooms. I don’t use the bed to sleep, since the mattress is causing me pain in the back as far as you could call the mattress a mattress.

I sleep on the floor in the other bedless bedroom on the remnants of a couch with printed strawberries and bananas on the back. I have a washing machine that goes on walks, that eats my socks and that once bombed me with a bottle of detergent that was in its way on one of those walks. But the best thing of the place, is my balcony.

It’s not a fancy one, but it’s quite large to me. I have a tree trunk as a seat, and two buckets with sand and my recently planted tomato plants. Sometimes I get a free petal-rain from flowers from the neighbor (or neighbors? I never see anyone) above. I can sit on the balcony when it rains, without getting wet. In the nights when I can’t sleep, I sit on the balcony watching the stars. The balcony is a perfect place to observe the world. I’m happy with the balcony, it adds so much to the place. My view from the balcony is on the river, a tiny waterfall and on duck-world. Duck-world is a small place where the river splits in two ways and where a group of ducks lives. Brown duck, White duck, and a few black&white or white&black ducks. I often observe them. They are funny creatures for sure. Though there is one thing that was noticeable for me somehow, I never hear them make sounds.

Sometimes when I get home they are in front of the building strolling around. Earlier when I was sitting on the balcony eating a sandwich and drinking some coffee when I looked down and noticed three of the ducks standing there.  I had some bread left (I got some huge bread, way too much for me alone) so I thought I should share, and so I threw some down. They ate it.

Since then, sometimes, I have ducks standing under my balcony when I’m sitting there.  I can see at the way they look at me when they would like to have some bread.They never speak. They just stand there and watch at me in a particular way. I nod, go inside, get some bread, and share it with them.

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From the blind assassin

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” A space that defines itself by not being there at all”

” Tell me where it hurts…. but some people can’t tell where it hurts”

” More and more I feel like a letter, deposited here, collected there. But a letter addressed to no one”

“There’s no place like home. No place=home. Therefore, home=no place. Therefore, home does not exist. Home is where the heart is, I thought now…..I had no heart anymore, it had been broken; or not broken, it simply wasn’t there anymore.”

Floods in Bosnia Herzegovina and Serbia, help!

Due to heavy rainfall in the past days,  Bosnia Herzegovina and Serbia are facing the worst floods since more than one hundred years. The floods are devastating. Villages/Towns completely under water and destroyed. Unfortunately, also people got killed. More than 20.000 people were forced to leave their homes, have been evacuated and many people are in need of help.Image

Also, the floods and landslides are causing shifting of landmines, a very dangerous situation:  http://www.bhmac.org/en/stream.daenet?sta=3&pid=715&kat=19

 

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Live updates about the Balkan floods: http://balkanist.net/live-updates-balkan-floods/

Please spread awareness and help is much appreciated.

 

A last thing for now:

I’m in safe area, and I am okay.

But there are a lot of people, and animals, who need help.

Thanks!

 

 

Maybe, I am the dark

Invisibly broken

The darkness in daylight

no matter what, mercy does not exist here

as snipers can focus

on small targets you can not directly see,

I’ve been struck

Right into the heart

once the spot has been located

It doesn’t matter anymore,

it doesn’t matter anymore.

the darkness in daylight

captured me

and damaged me,

forever.

And even forever, has an end.

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