Distraction. Somehow I forgot about it or it went to a place in my mind that it was labeled ‘unaware’ or ‘unaccessible’ for a while. By reading a post about distraction from loupylogic it appeared in the accessable parts of my brain again. When things are rough, and when things are bad, distraction can be so important but somehow it can be so difficult or sometimes even unaccessable.
One of my ‘distractions’ is playing video games. It doesn’t work out all the time, there are these times I can play for days and hours and sometimes I can not play for months. (Same goes for reading. Sometimes I read several books a week and can’t stop reading, sometimes I can not read for a couple of months at all.)
A couple of years ago I would have never thought I would ever get into videogames. But when someone gave me their old gameconsole, and someone gave me an old tv that is only connected to the console and can’t do anything else, I started to play. The first game I bought was Alan Wake. I read something about it and it attracted my attention somehow. I’ve been doubting to buy it or not for a couple of weeks (like often happens with just about anything, even a simple tshirt or something). But when it was on sale, I decided to buy it. At that time, it was the best purchase of the time. Together with this other game, called Fahrenheit/Indigo Prophecy. Two games with a story and ‘drama’ or however you should call it. What I liked about both games/stories is that everything seemed to fit so perfectly, the atmosphere, the feeling, a story.
Those games occupied my mind for days, for weeks. I didn’t live in the real world; it was too hard. But luckily, there was this other world: distraction land. That became my life for some time.
Another dark world where my mind is captured in. This virtual dark world, though this one is definitely not so bad as the real one; real life. They have a few similarities, both worlds are dark and a fight to get through / stay alive. So at a certain point, videogames became my ‘life’. I would get out of bed after a struggle, tried to shower, turn on the console, slept, ate, videogames, slept, ate, videogames. That is how life was.
For the outside world, I was probably just like some decoration that belongs in a room; an ordinary lamp, a bookcase, something that is just there and not moving unless you touch it. That was me; Sitting at a beanbag with a controller in my hand, absorbed in the storyline. That was a good thing about these games: they have a strong storyline what I really enjoyed. The music was perfect, the images perfect, the (dark) feelings they depict. And they had a story.
Both games I have completed several times. So it’s not new and absorbing me anymore unfortunately. I wish I could dissapear again into this world of videogames, be in another story, be in another life, just distracted. But I’m out of new games, and there don’t seem to be many of other games that are like these. Of course there are plenty of games, but I don’t like shooters and such. I don’t want to play a game where I have a mission to kill. Because I don’t really like that. I love to dissapear in another world with stories, solve (complicated) mysteries and just enjoy the atmosphere that it can give. Even if its dark sometimes – is it weird to say that ‘the dark’ can attract you in some kind of way? I guess it maybe does a bit to me. Maybe because it feels similar? Maybe because its something I can relate – but maybe not really the same? What makes it that it is like that? I guess I don’t really have that answer, but all I know right now, is that I miss being absorbed into that world.