Carrot ears

carrot

I can hear you,

even if you don’t speak

I can hear you

even when you don’t see me

around underground

when you hide

I can hear you

When you call into emptiness

I can hear you

underground around

every movement you make

every step you are not moving

every inch you are hiding

But I can sense

all the time.

Lost with a map in your hands

A world of words

in books, letters, emails, conversations, billboards, newspapers,

well just around everywhere around

A world of interactions

in real life, movies, online, letters, emails, phonecalls, people, non-verbal,

well just about everything around

A world of images

in pictures, in magazines, in photographs, in drawings, in maps.

A real life or an alter ego

The main road or a side one?

None of those things

I can see through anymore

It’s like being lost with a map in your hands

knowing North and South

knowing West and East

But it’s pointless to go into any direction

it is not that there’s nothing to choose – there is

but there is nothing to choose for – it seems

And there seems no way out, because the map has no end

signs pointing all around without any instructions

What to do if the purpose, isn’t known on the map?

The magnetized pointer of my compass

lost its heart.

How do you let go?

Is it a matter of time? Is it a matter of doing something?

What am I doing wrong. Why is it still bothering me.

Today, I removed all the messages in my phone from exboyfriend who dissapeared. I gave away the dvd he bought me. But I couldn’t remove his emails (yet). And I couldn’t throw away the postcard from Israel (yet). And I can’t throw away the memories inside me (yet). And I can’t throw away the few pictures of him and us (yet-but they are out of sight).