Lost love in an abandoned world

A lonely soul travels a road in a foreign country, moving in a landscape of mountain ranges. That soul, once was me. Far in the distance some snow that covers one of the summits. Tiny rocks moving from every step I take. Empty fields of rocks and grass and other small plants, but no other souls around to be seen. This is it, one of the places that are the loneliest in loneliness.

While I’m moving, I notice the path going deeper in the mountains but the asphalt road fades away from asphalt into some dusty, forgotten path with tiny rocks and lots of overgrown plants. It’s clear that this path is almost never used – no doubt about that. As the sun comes up to rise to its highest point of today, far away some clouds seem to be racing against time. I cross a broken wooden bridge, but no traces of water. Long ago there must have been a river, or maybe in the winters, but right now it’s just a lane with rocks and sand. I can not explain why I cross the place with the broken bridge, maybe the idea that the person who made it with lots of time and compassion, and now the bridge is here to be forgotten in emptiness. Who knows when it will be used again.

After a hour of walking in total silence – well, the wind blows now and then- I find a carcass of a tree standing.  Abandoned trash lies all over the place. Empty cans in fields of sorrow, empty plastic bottles sunbathing on the sand. A lonely eagle flies over but decides this is no place to be and turns back out of sight again. The sun is burning into my skin. I decide to sit down for a moment, on an old forgotten trunk that was part of a tree a long, long time ago. Holes made by insects are all over it, but all forms of life have dissapeared just like ice would melt in this sun.

Suddenly I realize it doesn’t really matter where I walk, it just doesn’t. No one is waiting for me, there is no place I have to reach within a time limit, and there is no place for me to go. I wonder if this could be like being stuck in limbo. After all this walking, with a heavy bag and all these water bottles, I decide it has no use anymore. I lie down on the ground and stare at the sky. It’s blue, and the sun is shining bright. This tree carcass gives me a bit of shade that is very welcome, and makes it possible to watch the sky. The sky is empty; no traces of clouds, birds or even planes. It’s just empty, and the only thing on the sky is the sun. The burning sun with no mercy.

For a moment I could ask myself how I ended up here. But that wasn’t really helpfull, since it wouldn’t matter, and I turned away from the thought immediatly. The silence and emptiness were fitting perfectly in the way I was feeling.

The wind started to blow, stronger and stronger, and sand shifted on places without overgrown plants. Odd how sand can move – it just goes. Flies and lands. And flies and lands. This world didn’t even seem to have insects. I wondered where they were. Maybe they weren’t allowed in life here, as if something decided here to not let any form of life enter. The empty border checkpoint I passed, was just standing in silence. No signs, no open barriers, but since there was no one, it was easily to pass. I stood there for a moment, just staring. Drank some water, and when I decided to continue walking again, I felt myself exhausted. I had to get up, and get myself together and move.

There is something in this empty place I am looking for, but I don’t know exactly what it is. But I know I have to find it, somehow it is important. So important, I have to keep moving, no matter what price I have to pay.


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