Navigate in emptiness

My eyes are closed. My ears detecting some kind of pressure.  My hair is flowing somehow, and it feels like there are waves around me causing that. A deep, heavy something has let me sink to this unknown place. It’s cold, but I am able to move and my body shows no traces of being affected by the cold. Odd. I try to focus on the beat of my heartrate. I sense the blood flowing through my veins. I sense all organs inside of me working, but not on the way they work normally spoken.It’s a bit unclear to me what is happening, what they are doing, and why they are acting different. Certain noises I seem to hear remind me of being in the eye of a storm, but I seem to be underwater. I am able to swim, but somehow everything around me seem to have decided to shut down.

When I finally dare to open my eyes, slowly, I look around  carefully. It seems like I am stuck at what seems a bottom of a dark see, like a ship that sank and never sees the surface again. It’s cold, but looking around everything is mainly empty. Just traces of sand at the bottom of this sea, and water everywhere. No fish, no plants, no rocks. It’s all empty. It seems like my view is like infinite, of course it’s not, but due the lack of changing in this environment everything seems endless.

When I look up, there remains nothing but water. Somewhere far away the water seems to become lighter, but it’s too far away and I am not sure if that is just a fake appearance because of my disturbed mind, or that actually is reality. This whole situation makes me doubt about if that even exists, reality. I have no clue, but I keep staring and trying to recapture what happened – my mind seems blank and no traces of a past.

After a kind of accurate observation, I realize that I don’t know what I’m breathing, but it’s not air. My heart seems gone and there seems nothing to remain inside there but useless air. I can’t use it, no matter how bad I want to, it’s locked from me, it’s not possible  to reach it.

For a second, I wonder if I sold my heart to the devil, but that can not be true because I realize very well I would fail in that. Also this place has nothing to do with a hell, or a heaven. Even the existence of those is something I can not answer. Anyway, it’s abandoned and lonely. Left with no answers but more questions, and every possible escape route seem to be doomed – or maybe even better said: just doesn’t exist at all.

At night, when I tried to gaze up, trying to find the stars and the moon desperately. They would definitely help me navigate. But the layers of this sea, behaved too rough for being able to locate them. At this point, my heart fell to the bottom of the sea. After a while the sand covered it, but it never grew again.