Cooking adventures

Some time ago I decided to try to stick to regular and as healthy as possible eating, which means that I try to prepare nice/healthy meals everyday. Well at least a lunch and a dinner, breakfast is still a bit hard to realize sometimes, since I have trouble to get out of bed in the mornings.

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Get out of beeeeeeeeeeed. Mwurghglglgl. Almost lunchtime, you stupid, you’re not only a couch potato but a bed potato as well. Eeeeh.

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Standing in the kitchen. Healthy food. Regular eating. Yay! And Yay because its: lunchtime!

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Standing more and more and more in the kitchen. Staring at the oven. Hm. Eat? Yeah. Uhm. Uhm. Minutes pass by. More minutes passing by. Discussion with myself how to feel today. But after 30 minutes…

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Yeah! I’m just going to do this! Yay yay I am going to make an awesome lunch and everything will be okay. Yay I can do this. Woohoo.

c2

Hmm. Bread. Eggs. Scallions. Yeah. Good idea. I’ll use those. Level of hope rises a bit.

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A little smile appears when walking with a pan. Yay. I’m just going to make lunch!

c6 So this will be my lunch. Bread. Eggs. Scallion. And I found a pepper. Feeling satisfied for a moment.

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*Tadaa* Superegg….still smiling a bit.

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But after a couple of seconds….uhoh…I don’t know what happened, but this wasn’t part of the plan….

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Trying to catch it while screaming aaaaahhhh…

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*Plotsj* Flooops.

It was too late.

There was the egg lying on the floor.

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And that’s where the lunch adventure ended. My little smile dissapeared, and ‘meh’ came back.

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Cable jungle

On this day, for a change, I got up “early”. For once, I decided to step out of bed immediatly as soon as I woke up, even if I still felt foggy.

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Stepped out of bed and dressed myself. No shower today. Maybe later, if couch potato gets herself to the gym.

There I stood. Staring into my room, aka messy mountain resort.

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The floor….fields of mess.

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My desk…aka messy mountain.

Somehow it’s not always easy to keep things in order when feeling low and depressed. And always somewhere far away in the brain, you know you should keep things in order but somehow I never really manage to keep up. Sometimes I clean and arrange, but it only stays organized for a day or two. Then it turns out into messy mountain resort again, so quickly.

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There I stood, staring for 10 minutes at the mess. Suddenly, a feeling came over me. So I got the vacuum cleaner and told myself I could do this. There I stood:

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So I started attacking the mountains and afterwards racing around with the vacuum cleaner.

But in my “enthusiasm” (or actually read: carelessness)  I forgot about Cable Jungle. Cable Jungle is the part of my room where all the cables of my computer, internetcable and all electricity required equipment cables come together. It’s not so professional but it functions and makes sure everything is connected to the electricity network.

Not too hard to guess what happened next…

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While I was vacuuming, I saw it happening in my mind. But, at that point, it was already too late and within seconds the ‘uhoh’ started…

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Noooooo noooo nooo….but it was too late. Cable Jungle got destroyed. All cables even messed up more.

So a new adventure, fixing the messed up cable jungle appeared. So with 125 attemps of new possible formations of cable jungles, I tried to create a new one:

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Like this maybe? No…This way? eh. no. Maybe this? No. (And so this continued for a long time.

125 attempts later…i gave up. And I restored Cable Jungle like it was in the first place.

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Well……at least everything was working again.

Highway adventures

On a sunny autumn day, I decided to go shopping. (Well, it was kind of necessary since I ran out of vegetables and fruits -I try to keep eating healthy – that seems to help with depression so they say).

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But…when couch potatoes don’t do grocery shopping there is not much in the fridge, huh?

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And not much in other places either…

So, I HAD to go out. No choice….I just HAD to. Couch potatoes need to eat too. Also, it’s part of my ‘basic’ plan (if you can call that a plan) to deal with depression –  sleep , exercise and eat regularly. Note to myself : R E G U L A R L Y !

Since I live close to the border to another country, and they have nicer and cheaper stuff there , I often buy my groceries there. A car was at home, so I took the car and drove towards the highway.

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So I was driving on the highway. Music on. Decided I could safely sing now, since no one else was nearby, and the highway is not crowded at all – most of the times it’s kind of empty and lonely, driving through the fields of nothing.Well anyway, that means safe to sing. While I was singing (imagine this like sounds crows make, though I bet crows make nicer sounds), I noticed in the corner of my left eye this duck flying next to me.

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At first I continued driving and listening to the music. But then… my brain woke up somehow …

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*PING* Huh?What? I’m driving at least 38 mph /61 km/h (construction works so speed limit) and the duck is flying next to me? A duck? Can ducks fly that fast? Huh?

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Yeah, it was really true. There was a duck. And that duck flew next to me.

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Huh. Huh. What? Am I hallucinating? *pinch* ouch. No. It’s true.

I must have kind of stared at the duck.

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At this time, duck looked back. If it could speak, I’m sure it said to me: Hey you Speedy Gonzales, get  that speed UUUP, even snails are faster! Muhahahaha.

This lasted for a couple of seconds, then duck took a turn to the left. And thats where our ways seperated.

The gym

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Yay exercise. As you can see, I can’t wait to go there.

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Yay. In the dressing room. Sitting and sitting and sitting. Luckily no one comes in, so sitting for 15 more minutes without looking too weird. Yay gym. Goooo me. I cant waiiit.

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Running can cure depression! Go you go go go! yeah. Eeeehh. Why do I even do this to myself? Arrrgggghhh. This is terrible. #grumblegrumblegrumble.

Who even invented this? Argghhh. Look at yourself you wimp, and look to the people running next to you. They are at least as twice as old as you are and they run four times faster and longer. Mehhhh. Frustrationnnn. #more grumblegrumblegrumble.

Let’s do something else.

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Yay weights. Maybe this is better than running. At least no one will notice me because I can hide a bit more than being on the treadmill. Meanwhile on a small distance away:

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Wiejjj wiejj wiejj go go go! Yeehaa! fun yeah oh yeah! This is fuuuuuhuuunnn.

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Ehhh

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Mehhh…

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Music plays. # Never give up! # Go Go Go! # Yeehaa fuuuun!

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And that’s where I ended my exercise. Staring into the mirror looking at myself like I never saw a creature like that before.

Couch potato part II

CP1

Tick tick tick tick. eeeeeeeh. Tick tick tick tick. I should get out of beeeeeeeeed. Tick tick tick tick.

Cp2

Tick tick tick tick. Eeeehhh. I should really step out of bed. Tick tick tick tick.

Cp3

Poink. Body on the floor, feet still on the bed. Eeeeh. Have to get up. Have to get out. Tick tick tick tick. Get uuuuup. Ughghgh.

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Sitting in the shower. Splotsj splotsj splotsj. Like raindrops keep falling on my head. Bwuuhhhh. Okay, enough now. Hmmmm.

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Now. Ehhhh. Hmmmm. So..there I’m sitting again… I guess I’m ready for today ….

ps. since I could not find my pencil sharpener, couch potato is in another color. But get used to that, since I probably won’t stick to a similar style -yay chaotic me.

Moments of hope

Fall apart

Into tiny pieces

the hole inside me

attacks, without mercy

as a human being

with empty veins

and empty eyes

a blank stare

and the windows

covered with clouds on the inside

rain washing them dry

a heart filled with emptiness

this place,  left behind

maybe even forgotten more

and sometimes,

just sometimes

which is actually often

I just do not want to wake up.

Even hope can hurt

Even hope can.